It’s midway through 2021 already, and I wrote this while collapsed in my bed after a week of working my ass off at my dead-end maintenance job. This is a personal blog, and does not have any particular topic or subject I will be focusing on. I’m physically exhausted, but my brain is screaming to output something, so I figured writing would be a great solution.
I have decided to sign up for grad school full-time, after the recent revelation that my private student loans go into deferment if I am over a part-time student.
I am finally free to quit my custodial job at the University of Scranton VERY soon. At my lowest, I could honestly tell you I felt like eating a hollow-point. As soon as I get my letter of admittance, I’m putting my 2 weeks in. No more slave-wage. No more degrading work and abusive supervisors. I will be a free man.
I have my job at Facebook, and I have a big design test I’m doing for a potential employer. Regardless of whether I get the position, I can confidently say the amount of jobs I have been hearing back from has increased greatly this year.
My plan is to keep applying to jobs while I attend grad classes, and keep up on my part-time Facebook gig.
I want to get my physical health in check, because I got way too fat over the pandemic, and I’d like to get a serious relationship at some point this decade haha. I have been on my anti-anxiety meds for over a year now, and I’ll comfortably tell the internet about it. The first week on them was hell, but I quickly felt like my old pre-anxiety self again. I didn’t feel unemotional, but rather more evened out. My peak anxiety and peak depression were flattened to little bumps in the road. I feel so much more level headed, and I think that has helped me communicate better in interviews, cover letters, and stay out of trouble online. My music tastes changed dramatically too. I went back to religiously listening to thrash and heavy metal, as opposed to the pop-punk and ska I had been focused on.
I haven’t listened to metal this much since high-school. My depression and anxiety have been replaced with pure anger though. I think that’s where the metal music outlet derives from. My tolerance for bullshit is non-existent. My fear of what others think of me is gone. I have been getting extremely vivid dreams about committing violent acts and lashing out. No, I’m not going to go do anything rash in real life, I’ve actually been pretty good. As I said, I have felt really level headed, and that has helped me rationally and calmly look at problems I have. I’m not a psychologist, but I assume that now that I’m not sad or scared about my current life situation, I’m fucking angry about it. I feel like a man on a mission, leaving a path of rage on my way to success. The dreams I get are just really vivid now though, woof what an odd side effect.
Let me tell you, I have been chugging along non-stop these past few months. It’s just work, portfolio projects, and job applications in that order. I have been kicking ass and taking names with nothing standing in my way.
I still have those depressive thoughts though. I always saw those stupid anti-depression commericals where they warn about suicidal thoughts or actions, and let me tell you, they aren’t kidding about the thoughts popping up once in a while. I’m lucky enough to have something in my brain that keeps me fighting onward. Some foolish hope, a burning passion to create, perhaps? I can’t tell you.
My Uncle John, who is basically a brother to me, has been over one year sober too. That’s something my dad has never done, and probably will never do. I am so fucking proud of John, and we talk almost every single day. He’s the closest family I have, and he’s one of the only cheerleaders I have who keeps me shooting for my career goals. He’s a very realistic guy, and isn’t afraid to be brutally honest with me at times, but even he treats my tech skills like wizardry haha.
I don’t have anything to really rant about. I think we need to raise the minimum wage, cancel student debt, and get us universal health-care. Oh, and tax billionaires into the ground. The fact that society didn’t collapse during the pandemic is pretty nuts. I think we have a difficult road ahead if nothing drastic changes. Corporations are playing a zero sum game, and we’ll all end up losing. I can spend pages writing on this topic with peer reviewed sources to back up my opinions.
I hate the new “hustle” economy that has emerged from everyone being underpaid and overworked. Everyone is trying to scalp products, create an Onlyfans, or monetize every aspect of their life. The used car market is screwed, and classic car prices have skyrocketed to crack prices.
I have a lot to be pissed off about haha.
I want to end this blog post for any stranger who reads this far with a final important issue.
LinkedIn is dogshit and toxic to your career journey. It is filled with narcissistic asshats jerking themselves off about how they helped some poor sap, or how they achieved some big goal at a huge company.
The recruiters are the most useless people on the planet, and networking has turned into a joke. Not to mention the memes and reposts like its Facebook. Oh, and if I see one more anti-union post, I may need to track these people down and beat them with a tire iron. Oh, and if a company doesn’t pay their low level employees and interns a living wage, but puts up a pride flag logo, lick my fucking taint. Absolute virtue signalling to look good, while they continue to be ethically bankrupt. You know you’re full of shit when the LGBTQ community collectively tells you to stop, and fuck off.
I see so many kids desperately trying to connect with me on LinkedIn, and network on there. Get off of it now, and go find your niche community on Twitter or DIscord to network with. I have gotten more work from networking on Twitter than anywhere else. I got my first published game credit from a colleague I met on Twitter. LinkedIn is for recruiters and top level employees to jerk themselves off while helping absolutely nobody.
I don’t care if I finally get a full-time design job this year. A job title has not stopped me from creating, and no pompous producer, clueless recruiter, or dipshit hiring manager will take that away from me. You define who you are, not other people.
